


Forehead Cult (Bandom Group Chat)

by DallonsLegs



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, I may be in highschool but if you saw my dick youd think i was a first grader, M/M, Ryan/Brendon/Dallon (in later chapters), STOP THE KINK SHAMING JOSH, Toaster Demon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-23
Updated: 2017-09-11
Packaged: 2018-10-22 21:44:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10705740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DallonsLegs/pseuds/DallonsLegs
Summary: If you like the sound of idiot teenagers trying to live their lives through highschool while simultaneously summoning demons and getting stoned as fuck, this is probably for you.-(Better known as the fic that breaks all possible boundaries and shouldn't be read within sight of any normal people)





	1. SKURT SKURT

Brendon added users: Dallon Weekes, Patrick Stump, Pete Wentz, Josh Dun, Tyler Joseph, Gerard Way, Mikey Way, Bob Bryar, Frank Iero, Ryan Ross, Andy Hurley, and Joe Trohman to chat "Forehead Cult"

 

Brendon: sup, bitches

Dallon: Why the fuck is it named "Forehead Cult"?

Brendon: anyway- 

Josh: Fuck no

*Josh Dun has left the chat*

Brendon: ONCE YOU GO BLACK YOU CAN NEVER GO BACK

*Brendon Urie has added user Josh Dun to Forehead Cult*

Josh: Damn

Pete: Brendon wtf?

Patrick: Hi guys! :D

Tyler: its the middle of 2nd hour the frick are you doing?

Pete: WHO JUST FUCKING SCOOTERED DOWN THE HALLWAY

Brendon: skurt skurt

Mikey: WTF FOREHEAD YOU ALMOST RAN ME OVER  
*Brendon changed his name to Forehead*

Forehead: If you cant take the kitchen get out of the heat

Dallon: Bren, wanna retry that babe?

Forehead: wut

Ryan: no NO

Joe: I just saw Ryan break his phone

Forehead: which one of you fuckers added him into the chat

Dallon: You did.

Forehead: No?

Brendon: oh wait

Pete: XD

Josh: only emo fags use XD, emo fag

Pete changed his name to Emo Fag

Josh: fair point

Gerard: Will you guys stfu, I'm trying to kill myself by (paper)cutting myself

Mikey: Gerard, I see you at the vending machine getting skittles

Gerard: SPOTTED

Frank: wait has anyone seen my scooter? 

Forehead: Yeah, I saw Ryan with it last

Patrick: Wait a minute

Frank: Thanks Brendon, I'll go ask him about it

Patrick: But

Emo Fag: Shhhhh

Tyler: Harder daddy!

Tyler: sorry wrong chat

Dallon: TYLER I thOUGHHT yOU WeRE INNOCEnnttTT

Josh: You'd be suprised

Emo Fag: Wtf is happening to Dallon

Forehead: his dad senses are tingling

Emo Fag: wut

Forehead: He's the dad of the group (with long legs)

Josh: So I guess you could call him........ daddy long legs

Forehead: IM THE ON LY ONE WHOCAN CALL HIM THAT

Dallon has changed his name to Daddy Long Legs

Emo Fag: finally a break between classes so I can fix my guyliner 

Forehead: oh fuck

Daddy Long Legs: PETE WHAT THE FUCK IT'S CALLED PRETTY PRETTY MAKEUP YOU UNCULTURED SWINE 

Emo Fag: what's the big deal?

Forehead: fuck

Daddy long Legs: Okay, so first of all let's call it what it what it is, pretty pretty makeup. Second of all, guyliner, really? Third of al-

Patrick: BRENDON GIVE ME MY PHONE BACK YOU PIECE OF SHIT

Patrick: That was Dallon 

Emo Fag: don't let those bastards take advantage of you Patrick 

Patrick: I won't- one second Brendon needs to borrow some money

Emo Fag: BRENDON 

Forehead: lol wut


	2. Burn Victim Brendon Urie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Frank doesn't know the ways are in a relationship
> 
>  
> 
> Brendon(Forehead) - Burn Victim
> 
> Dallon - Daddy Long Legs
> 
> Pete - Emo Fag

Forehead: guys dont listen to Dallon

Daddy Long Legs: GUyS WE NEeD TO CALL 911 BRENDON BURNT HIS hAND

Patrick: WHAT

Josh: wait wait wait how severe is it?

Daddy Long Legs: I THINK HIS HANDS GOING TO FALL OFF

Tyler: I heard if you put mustard on burns it helps

Forehead: WTF yOU GOT MUSTARD ON MY PHONE

Forehead: thanks a lot Tyler

Tyler: you are welcome

Josh: send a picture of it

Daddy Long Legs sent a picture to Forehead Cult  
*Dallon forcing Brendon to hold his hand out, revealing a tiny red spot on his hand*

Josh Dun has left the chat

Daddy Long Legs added user Josh Dun to chat

Daddy Long Legs: THIS IS NOT A JOKE JOSH, I'M CALLING 911

Mikey: Burn Victim Brendon Urie, lol

Forehead has changed their user to Burn Victim

Daddy Long Legs has removed user Mikey Way from Forehead Cult

Gerard Way added user Mikey Way to Forehead Cult

Gerard: If I'm stuck here so are you

Mikey: Damn it, lol

Josh: "lol"

Mikey: What, lol

Burn Victim: Hey Dal

Daddy Long Legs: Mhm?

Burn Victim: Your beautiful

Daddy Long Legs: You're**

Burn Victim: your not getting laid now

Daddy Long Legs: You're**

Burn Victim: I'm gonna kick YOU'RE ass

Daddy Long Legs: Your**

Burn Victim: eat my entire ass Dallon

Daddy Long Legs: on it

Burn Victim: die for real this time

Mikey: ew dirty germs and cooties, lol

Joe: You're the one fucking your brother

Frank: THATS GROSSSSSSSS don't joke about that

Joe: ?

Burn Victim: Frank you're/your retarded

Ryan: Aren't the Ways in a relationship?

Emo Fag: Who tops?

Gerard: me, bitch

Tyler: My dad just yelled at me

Josh: I didn't yell at you..?

Tyler: JOSH.

Josh Dun has left the chat

Tyler Joseph has left the chat

Andy: Are we not gonna talk about this?

Ryan: Party at my house!

Joe: Did anyone get the homework?

Andy: Which class?

Joe: Which class... WHICH CLASS?! WE HAD MULTIPL- fuck brb

Emo Fag: Where the fuck is Brendon

Ryan: Dallons eating Brendons ass

Emo Fag: how would you know that

Ryan: it says it in chat

Daddy Long Legs: Nah, he doesn't deserve that.

Burn Victim has sent an image to Forehead Cult  
*a picture of Dallon with what everyone is hoping to be chocolate on his face*

Patrick: WHAT THE DIDDLY DARN 

Daddy Long Legs: IT'S ICECREAM 

Burn Victim: No pic no proof

Daddy Long Legs has sent an image to chat  
*It's him holding chocolate icecream with a pissed look on his face*

Burn Victim: It was faked, you can clearly see the icecream isn't real

Daddy Long Legs:You're so fucking stupid

Burn Victim: Your** GOT EM

Burn Victim: oh wait

Burn Victim has added users Tyler Joseph and Josh Dun

Burn Victim: check out this sick burn i just pulled on Dallon

Josh: 3rd grade English mother fucker use it

Burn Victim: thats wat im sayin lol

Daddy Long Legs: Brendon it was actually you're....

Burn Victim: yeah thats what i said?

Daddy Long Legs: whatever

Ryan: Guys you missed my last message, theres a party at my house! :D

Patrick: Pete you left your sleeve at my house

Burn Victim: wait wtf Pete your tattoos are fake?

Emo Fag: but both of mine are on?

Josh: Fuck

Josh: Those are mine :/

Tyler: JOSH WHAT THE FRICK

Tyler: I GOT THIS MATCHING TAT ON MY @$$ FOR NO REASON

Pete: "@$$"

Ryan: ...........I'm bringing snacks to my party

Burn Victim: I'll be there

Daddy Long Legs: Count me in.

Emo Fag: Coming

Patrick: I'll go too :)

Josh: Patrick bring my sleeves 

Tyler: I'm coming to rip those apart

Josh: :(

Andy: Sounds good

Joe: whos Ryan?

Mikey: He's a faggot, lol

Gerard: Mikey and I are coming

Frank: If you don't have doritos I'm sueing

Bob: Hey guys! I'll come

Mikey: How long has Bob been here

Gerard: lurking in the shadows

Bob: Sorry, I was punching a bee

Burn Victim: for two weeks

Bob: Well yeah? I'm training to be in the NBA

Daddy Long Legs: The National Basketball Association?

Bob: But

Bob: No, It's the National Bee Abusers.

Burn Victim: It's the national basketball association bud, even I know that

Bob: But

Bob: FRANK YOU LIED tO ME

Frank: YOU SEEMED SO HAPPY I DIDN'T WANT TO DISSAPOINT YOU

Bob: I think I need to take a break from the chat, yknow? Really rethink life.

Daddy Long Legs: You've been here for 3 and a half minutes.

Bob Bryar has left the chat

Joe: who tf is bob

Andy: Joe

Joe: Wut

Ryan: So glad everyones coming! I really couldn't ask for better friends, and believe it or not I was beginnning to think you guys didn't like me!

Burn Victim: stfu Ryan

Ryan: GUYS HE ACKNOWLEGED ME

Brendon: no i did not

Ryan: HE DID IT AGAINNN

Ryan: YOU ARE MY FRIEND <3

Patrick: Guys, I'm at Ryans and he just started crying what happened

Patrick: brb it's getting intense

Joe: damn bren, don't you think you're a bit harsh on Ryan?

Burn Victim: lol no

Tyler: Harder daddy!

Pete: Wrong chat?

Tyler: nope  
Daddy Long Legs:ufnofhfifuckijohfnuoe23ho2uu3eh=nfrefbwqebuoodbu

Burn Victim: Dallon just slammed his head against his phone and I think it cracked

Daddy Long Legs: oh uck it did.

Daddy Long Legs: uck I can't press ""

Daddy Long Legs: oh uck me 

Burn Victim: Dallon spell "fuck" if you don't want to blow me

Daddy Long Legs: :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do remember to leave a comment if you enjoyed it (or didn't lol)


	3. Home is Where The Cheez Whiz

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tyler changes his name to Josh's Hoe
> 
> Mikey changes his name to Moikey 
> 
> Patrick changes him name to PattyCakes 
> 
> Emo Fag (Pete)changes his name to PETER

Burn Victim: Guys.

Daddy Long Legs: Don't.

Burn Victim: How do I get a quarter out of my ass

Daddy Long Legs: I'm leaving you for Josh.

Burn Victim: YOU got it stuck there. It's not my fault

Josh: Nah

Daddy Long Legs: Nah?! 

Josh: Yeah, nah. Gotta stay loyal to my hoe

Tyler: I'm touched.

Tyler has changed his user to Josh's Hoe

Emo Fag: can I ask why?

Burn Victim: wut

EmoFag: about the quarter..?

Burn Victim: oh yeah. forgot about that.

Gerard: It's been 2 minutes and you already forgot?

Burn Victim: Forgot about what?

Joe: You're still puting random things in asses, Urie?

Daddy Long Legs: I'm praying that you're joking

Joe: I'm afraid not

Burn Victim: GOTTA BLAST

Burn Victim has left the chat

Daddy Long Legs: OH NO YOU DON'T.

Daddy Long Legs has added Burn Victim

Patrick: Momma Dal is angry

Daddy Long Legs: It's Daddy Dal to you, PattyCakes.

Josh: How come Brendon just spit water everywhere?

Mikey: Lol

Patrick: PattyCakes

Patrick: PattyCakes

Frank: Mikey, if you say 'lol' one more time I'm going to shoot up a school.

Mikey: BET. lol

Gerard: Moikey why

Patrick: PattyCakes

Gerard: Mikey**

Mikey has changed their user to Moikey 

Patrick: PattyCakes

EmoFag: Why do you keep texting that, Pat

Patrick: PattyCakes

EmoFag: aight

Patrick: I want my name to be 'PattyCakes'

Burn Victim: anyways 

Joe: Hey uh, Rob. When's your party again?

Patrick: PattyCakes - You mean Ryan?

Joe: I'm pretty sure it's Rob.

Ryan: I'm not sure actually, I didn't think anyone would respond, let alone come to the party.

Ryan: how about you guys come right now?

Frank: bitch its 2:00 AM

Ryan: so?

Burn Victim: well he got you there man

Frank: Brendon you're retarded 

Burn Victim: I know I are but what are you

Burn Victim: damn my burns have been so good lately

Daddy Long Legs: Alright, Bren and I are headed your way Ryan.

Joe: Rob** christ you guys sound like assholes.

Joe: Can't even get his name right.

Patrick has changed his name to Patrick

Patrick: PattyCakes - I DON'T UNDERSTAND

Emo Fag: guys im here

Gerard: PETER YOU LIVE LIKE 25 MILES FROM RY- ROB WTF

Daddy Long Legs: Not to intrude but, why were you so close to Ryan's house?

Joe: Rob**

Emo Fag: thats an invasion of privacy and you should be ashamed 

Burn Victim: hes buying weed

Emo Fag: youre a fucking rat 

Burn Victim: welp you got me there

Frank: I'm here

Frank: WHAT THE HELL BRENDON YOU ALMOST HIT ME

Burn Victim: I'm not the one driving 

Daddy Long Legs: skurt skurt

Moikey: WE HERE BITCHES, lol

Patrick: PattyCakes - Why are you guys still texting if we're all here?

Burn Victim: wait when did you get here

Patrick: PattyCakes - I stayed the night to help with the decoration, Ryan did the snacks

Josh's Hoe: what do you mean everyone's there I'm still coming 

Burn Victim: well now that everyones here let's go eat

Patrick: PattyCakes - Tyler, Brendon isn't letting Ryan talk to him. What should I do?

Josh's Hoe: lol idk

Patrick: PattyCakes - aren't you his best friend

Josh's Hoe: CAPE TOWN

Ryan: Dear Diary, today I got to stay in the same room with Brendon. It's pretty exciting and I feel that we're finally becoming friends again! We were so close and I feel that bond gradually returning. Later today I plan to

Ryan: wrong app

Joe: Rob you're really fucking weird 

Frank: Wait where's the doritos 

Ryan: the wut

Frank: yknow, the chips? Did you get any chips?

Ryan: no, but I got cheez whiz and milk

Burn Victim: ya but what else

Ryan: thats it 

Ryan: isn't that all you need for a party?

Emo Fag: WHO THE FUCK LET RYAN HOST A PARTY

Emo Fag: Patrick, why didn't you help him with the snacks

Mikey Way changed Patrick Stump's name to PattyCakes

Moikey: not dealing with that shit, lol

PattyCakes: PattyCakes - Ryan said he had the snacks so I believed him.

PattyCakes: Sorry I already had it typed out 

Josh: You couldn't click backspace?

PattyCakes: What's that?

Daddy Long Legs: Guys, Brendon just threw the milk out Ryan's window. Anyone know why he's so upset?

Josh's Hoe: CAPE TOWN

Burn Victim: I'm lactose intolerant 

Daddy Long Legs: Bren, Baby, Cupcake, love of my LIFE, you're eating ice cream right now.

Burn Victim: so?

Daddy Long Legs: SO YOU CAN'T BE LACTOS- This conversation isn't over.

PattyCakes: PETER

Emo Fag changed his name to PETER

Frank: did anyone else just see Pete jump off of Ryan's roof?

Burn Victim: you live once only #YLOO

Ryan: BRENDON STOP RUINING MY MAKEUP

Burn Victim: It's cheap tho, I'll buy you some later

Ryan: BRENDON THAT'S THE NEW WATERPROOF LINE IT COST ME TWO OF MY PAYCHECKS

Burn Victim: waterproof eh?

Pete: Brendon wait don't do that

Burn Victim: time to put this theory to the test

Josh's Hoe: DO IT OMFG BrEn 

Josh's Hoe: wrong chat, texting my friend brendon (old school)

Josh's Hoe: they almost caught me forehead, I smooth af tho

Josh: babe 

Josh's Hoe: frick 

Patrick: BRENDON JUST DUMPED ALL OF RYAN'S MAKEUP IN HIS BATHTUB 

PETER: IT ALL DISSOLVED I'M PISSIN

Ryan: IT ONLY WORKS WHEN YOUR WEARING IT IT'S NOT CHEAP MAKEUP

Burn Victim: oh really

Moikey: Brendon is dragging Ryan outside, lol. We all following behind, lol

Josh: who are you talking to

Moikey: you and Tyler? Lol

Josh's Hoe: we've been here for like 20 minutes 

Moikey: I just don't like talking directly to you, any one of you for that matter, lol

Joe: expecially Rob 

Ryan: Yeah lol, (Brendon who's rob)

Ryan: BRENDONRHWTATHERUCK 

Andy: BRENDON JUST SPRAYED RYAN IN THE FACE WITH THE WATERHoEsese 

Burn Victim: waterproof my dick 

Josh: Tyler just ripped my sleeves can I have one of yours Andy?

Andy: My sleeves aren't fake.

Josh's Hoe: I bet Joe gets real tattoos on his butt with Andy, JOSH

Josh: I already told you I was sorry 

Josh's Hoe: SORRY DOESN'T HEAL MY BUTT JOSH

Josh: what about kisses?

Josh's Hoe: kiss my @$$

Daddy Long Legs: I think that was his point Tyler.

Josh's Hoe: my wounds can only be healed with a matching tattoo 

PETER: BRENDON JUST KNOCKED OUT THIS RANDOM ASS GUY H O L Y F U C K 

Moikey: how, lol 

Daddy Long Legs: Not a single "Is he okay?" No just "How?"

PETER: he fucking headbutted him with the forehead from hell

Burn Victim: guys come help me carry him in

Daddy Long Legs: ....alright

Burn Victim: he doesn't like me so I'm going to show him what a cool guy I am

Daddy Long Legs: by knocking him out and kidnapping him?

Burn Victim: how else was I going to get him inside

Daddy Long Legs: I DON'T KNOW, ASK HIM?

Burn Victim: huh

Ryan: oh fuck

Burn Victim: Dal, that's so cool that you can just lift him up like that you big noodle

Ryan: uh- GUYS

Daddy Long Legs: I'm the king of piggyback rides

Burn Victim: ME NEXT

Daddy Long Legs: Maybe when this guy regains consciousness 

Ryan: GODDAMMITJRNWN MY PARENTS ARE HERE

Joe: Rob why are your parents coming home at 4:00 AM

Ryan: I DON'T KNOW GO FUCKING HIDE

Gerard: we didn't even drink anything yet

Daddy Long Legs: "yet"

PETER: the house is completely clean

Ryan: guys please you don't underst-

Burn Victim: guys go fucking hide, his parents are strict against friends

 

Burn Victim: Dal, 2D, and I are on the roof 

Moikey: who's 2D, lol

Daddy Long Legs: The guy Bren knocked out.

Moikey: ah, lol

Frank: I'm in the pantry 

PETER: Patrick and I are in the closet- Brendon don't even

Burn Victim: HA HAHAHHAHAHAHA

Moikey: I ran out the back you fucking idiots, lol

Gerard: I'm still not even there yet 

Frank: we've been here for hours

Burn Victim: he's buying weed 

Gerard: I thought everyone knew that 

Joe: Don't let your parents look up

Frank: Joe how did you get on the fucking ceiling fan

Joe: skurt skurt

Andy: He's Spider-Man.

Burn Victim: that actually makes a lot of sense

Joe: The real question is how did Andy fit under the couch

Andy: I'm under his parents bed you dumb

Joe: SHHH

Frank: Ryan's greeting his parents

Frank: what the fuck?

PETER: what happened?

Frank: his dad just started calling him a fag for no fucking reason 

Joe: oh that's it

Frank: JOE JUST FLIPPED OFF THE FAN ONTO HIS DAD I'M SCREAMING

Daddy Long Legs: I can hear Frank screaming from here

Andy: Joe is yelling that he is the ghost of homosexuality and if you ever disgrace him again he'll eat your toes

Ryan: Joe you don't have to do that it's okay

Frank: BRENDON JUST SLAMMED INTO RYAN'S DAD ONLY IN HIS UNDERWEAR

Daddy Long Legs: That's the second fastest time I ever saw him undress.

PattyCakes: When was when first.

Daddy Long Legs: Well it all started on New Year- Wait one second I have to go save Brendon's weak ass

Frank: alright at this point everyone's just dogpiling on Ryan's dad, gotta stop the updates cause I'm joining

Burn Victim: alright we wrecked this party, I've got a back up at my house in case this happened 

PETER: sounds good

Burn Victim: c'mon Ryan 

Ryan: I better stay here yknow, gotta help clean up dad and

Burn Victim: you're coming with us

Daddy Long Legs: Agreed

Ryan: ....thanks guys, it means a lot

Burn Victim: anytime Ryan

Joe: Rob**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a like and a comment to show us how you feel about the chapter!
> 
>  
> 
> If you can't tell already this story is written by two different people which is why Pete ALMOST used the word "May" at the start of this chapter. You're all welcome
> 
>  
> 
> Sorry for the less hilarious ending but we need to give Ryan something before we kick him in the nuts


	4. Gospel Preaches The Choir

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brendon - Burn Victim
> 
> Dallon - Daddy Long Legs 
> 
> Pete - PETER
> 
> Patrick - Patty Cakes
> 
> Tyler - Josh's Hoe

Burn Victim: im never drinking again

Daddy Long Legs: Bren, you just did a shot.

Burn Victim: It helps me through my hangover

Daddy Long Legs: No?

Josh's Hoe: yeah tell me about it, I feel like shit

Burn Victim: Tyler you had one sip of my beer

Josh's Hoe: it was a big sip

Ryan: I feel great, maybe you guys got a bad brand?

PETER: Ryan you drank smart water the whole time

Ryan: Isn't that like, the strongest vodka?

Ryan: Patrick told me it was.

PattyCakes: DON'T RUIN HIM LIKE YOU DID PETE

PETER: excuse you

PattyCakes: I only speak the truth PEtTR

Gerard: am I seriously the only one who went to school today?

Josh's Hoe: its sunday

Gerard: that explains a lot actually

Josh's Hoe: you guys should come to church with me

Burn Victim: id burn

Ryan: thats against my cult rules

Josh: you are one of the least holy people I know tyjo

Josh's Hoe: P L E A S E 

Moikey: I love jesus, lol

Burn Victim: the lords gonna come inside meeeeeee ohh jesus my lord

Daddy Long Legs: I don't think you want us at church Tyler. 

Josh's Hoe: PLEASE

Andy: Why do you want us to come anyways?

Josh: because his parents make him go and he doesnt wanna be bored

Burn Victim: wELL WHY DIDNT YOU SAY SO

Daddy Long Legs: Absolutely not Brendon, I know you are going to fuck something up and religion is something to be respe-

PattyCakes: Brendon just slapped Dallons phone out of his hand.

Burn Victim: SO ITS SETTLED, WE'RE ALL GOING TO CHURCH

Moikey: if Brendons going something fun is bound to happen, lol

PETER: guys Gerard just posted a picture of him in full guyl- pretty pretty makeup and titled it "Getting ready for church."

Gerard: gotta look my best for Jeebus

Burn Victim: im the biggest slut for jezis

 

 

 

 

PETER: oh my god

PattyCakes: What?

PETER: Brendon is wearing the top half of a priests outfit, paired with bright red shorts that say "Jesus Loves Me" on his ass

Burn Victim: dont forget my gold cross necklace Petrr, i will always dress to impress the l0rd

Daddy Long Legs: I don't want to be here.

PETER: dallon actually dressed up nice

Daddy Long Legs: Yeah, but I'm sitting with Brendon so that cancels out any attempt at making peace with the church goers

Burn Victim: tyler come sit with usssssssssssss

Josh: tylers parents took his phone before service

Burn Victim: dont worry, I got this

PETER: BRENDON JUST TRIPPED AND FELL ON TYLERS MOM OH GOD

PattyCakes: It's okay he apologized

PattyCakes: and now he's carrying Tyler to our pew

Burn Victim: its okay tylers parents love me

Josh: they think youre the antichrist

Burn Victim: they arent wrong

Daddy Long Legs: Service is starting, I'm taking everyones phones.

PattyCakes: Why mine too?

Daddy Long Legs: Because, you'll let Brendon take it.

PattyCakes: But, he just asks so nicely....

 

Brendon Urie temporarily removed Dallon Weekes from Forehead Cult

PETER: how did you get the phones back from dallon?

Burn Victim: dal loves hearing about this kind of stuff, he studies religions all the time

Burn Victim: he thinks itll help him understand people better and "help better himself"

PETER: so you stole them

Burn Victim: yes

Josh: why didnt you give patrick his phone back

Burn Victim: because hes not going to approve of this

Josh's Hoe: approve of wut

Burn Victim: im going to tell dallon im going to the bathroom, josh offer to go "keep me out of trouble"

Josh: gotcha

Gerard: what do we do?

Burn Victim: keep legs distracted, and when I give the signal get everyone the FUCK out of the church

Moikey: whats the signal, lol

Burn Victim: ButtSex 

PETER: how did i know

Patrick: It's almost offering time, hide your phones.

PETER: how did you?

Patrick: I have to keep you idiots out of trouble somehow.

PETER: marry me

Burn Victim: might wanna put the wedding on hold

Moikey: HOLY SHIT, lol

Gerard: how did you set the big ass cross on fire from the bathroom

Burn Victim: three words. Anti-Christ

Daddy Long Legs: Actually thats one conjoined word.

Burn Victim: BaBE HOW DI- look im really sorry its just tyler was so misreble and

Daddy Long Legs: 1. You can't just type "temporarily removed" in front of my name and expect it to work.

Daddy Long Legs: 2. I can't just let you guys have all the fun.

PattyCakes: Why did you just snap your fingers?

Andy: Guys I was driving nearby the church and a circle of fire just lit arond it.

Daddy Long Legs: wink wonk

Gerard: BRENDON JUST SCREAMED BUTTSEX AND TYLERS DAD CHOKED

PETER: WHY ARE FIREWORkS GOING OFF INSIDE A fuUKinG CHurCh

Joe: Guys I think they're having a Jesus party at church or something. Either that or Gerard is shooting it up again.

PattyCakes: "AGAIN" EXCUSE ME WHAT

Moikey: chill, it was waterguns

Joe: Maybe he's stepping up his game.

Josh: GUYS THE CHURCH IS CATCHING ON FIRe lETS GO

Burn Victim: welp tyler, looks like you dont have to worry about service anymore

Josh's Hoe: what the frick just happened

Burn Victim: God decided that today was a good day for the 4th of July

Daddy Long Legs: It's called the Fourth of July beca-

Burn Victim: bc of fourth boxes of fireworks i know dallon, im not stupid

PETER: this would make a great song

PETER: wait is that famous country singer Ryan Ross

Ryan: YEEHAW

Ryan: norrthurrn douwnper sens is luv, dern tootin it does 

PETER: why the cowboy hat

PattyCakes: I think it looks nice.

Ryan: I'm going to a roping.

Burn Victim: youre/your skinny ass is going to a roping

Burn Victim: make sure you bring the rape bell

Daddy Long Legs: I need one of those

Burn Victim: excuse yourself 

Burn Victim: anyways

Burn Victim: Tyjo wanna invite your parents over for din din, Dallon's family is coming too

Josh's Hoe: last time I brought my family to your house you spiked the drinks and got my parents to sign up for your cult 

Burn Victim: gotta get some members somehow 

Moikey: oh Brendon how did it go with the kidnapping Stewar- 2D

Burn Victim: completely unrelated but does someone know how to unjam a cellar door, or at least how to muffle noises without opening it

Daddy Long Legs: Brendon, that is on so many levels of illegal.

Burn Victim: wat

Andy: Hey, does anyone have any cabbages?

Burn Victim: stfu andy you Toy Story looking motherfucker

Andy: That doesn't even make any sense.

Josh: are we not going to talk about how Brendon just burned down a church and possibly has someone trapped in his basement

Burn Victim: Josh we're already past this, get with the system

Josh: dallon, how do you feel about this 

Daddy Long Legs: if I ignore it I can sleep at night.

PattyCakes: Brendon those are some intense hiccups 

PETER: i heard milk helps

Gerard: did anyone else just see Ryan pull a fucking huge jar of milk out of his bag

Daddy Long Legs: the biggest concern is why does he carry a bag filled with milk jars in it

Moikey: Did Brendon just sniff the milk? Lol

Ryan: well I've gotta get going so

Burn Victim: yeah I gotta go dru- I mean say hi to Dallons parents 

Daddy Long Legs: Just ignore it and it will go away Dallon.

Burn Victim: <3


	5. Thieves Before Kink Shaming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brendon - Burn Victim 
> 
> Dallon - Daddy Long Legs 
> 
> Pete - PETER
> 
> Patrick - PattyCakes
> 
> Tyler - Josh's Hoe
> 
> Mikey - Moikey
> 
> Josh - Kink Shamer Dun  
> -  
> Private Chat Names
> 
> Brendon - Josh Dun's Massive Drum Stick
> 
> Ryan - Well I'm afraid that I

Gerard: Alright which one of you fucks stole my lamp

Daddy Long Legs: Gerard, not to be rude but...why would one of us steal a lamp?

Burn Victim: nobody wants ur ugly ass lamp**

Gerard: Well it has to be one of you because Pete's the only one with a key....unless?

PETER: Gerard your lamp is the most ugly piece of sh-

Patrick: Gerard your lamp is really unique and I threw Pete's phone because he can't appreciate the fact that we all have different styles and taste.

Moikey: nah the lamp looks gay af, lol

 

-  
Brendon Urie added Ryan Ross to "Bandit Squad"

Brendon: Ryan we have to change our names in case someone finds this chat

Ryan Ross has changed his name to Well I'm afraid that I

Well I'm afraid that I: Fuck, I wasn't done typing.

Well I'm afraid that I: Bden why can't I change my username again?

Brendon: bc ur a fucking dumbass 

Well I'm afraid that I: Bren please let my change my name.

Brendon: no

Brendon Urie has changed his name to Josh Dun's Massive Drum Stick

Well I'm afraid that I: Goddamnit

Well I'm afraid that I: So, the lamp is still at your house right?

Josh Dun's Massive Drum Stick: No shit 

Well I'm afraid that I: What's our next target?

Josh Dun's Massive Drum Stick: I was thinking we try Tyler's house before we move onto the big guns

Well I'm afraid that I: The dollar store isn't "the big guns" Brendon...

Josh Dun's Massive Drum Stick: WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT ISN'T THE BIG GUNS HAVE YOU SEEN THOSE RUGS  
-

(Forehead Cult)

 

Burn Victim: HEY GUYS WATCH THIS I'M GOING TO DO MY JOE IMPRESSION 

Burn Victim: .....Mazeltov

Andy: Tbh that's pretty spot on

Joe: THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN THAT'S PRETTY SPOT ON

PETER: Brendon I got the Barbie movie you wanted 

Burn Victim: FUCK YES I'VE BEEN WAITING TO WATCH THIS FOR THE LONGEST TIME

PETER: Barbie The Princess And The Popstar, right?

Burn Victim: WHAT THE FUCK 

PETER: what

Burn Victim: I WANTED PRINCESS AND THE PAUPER NOT SOME SHITTY ASS REMAKE

PETER: It's basically the same thing...?

Burn Victim: MOTHERFUCKER I'LL BEAT YOUR ASS YOU WANNA GO M8 COME FIGHT ME

Moikey: The remake is better

Burn Victim: you're/your all dead to me

Daddy Long Legs: Hey, can anyone help me with my English homework?

Ryan: Sure Da-

Burn Victim: I'LL HELP

PETER: Brendon you have a D in english 

Burn Victim: yeah but I've been improving a lot

PETER: that's because Ryan does your work for you

Burn Victim: Ryans not that good at it 

Josh's Hoe: Well, actually he has the highest grade in the entire school system

Burn Victim: WeLl aCtUaLLy hE hAs tHe hIgHeST GrAdE iN ThE eNTiRe sChOoL System

Burn Victim: go fuck yourself

Josh's Hoe: <3

Burn Victim: DALLON 

Moikey: yes, lol

Burn Victim: Mikey stfu

Moikey: he's doing his homework, lol I'm official Dallon until he's back

Moikey: lol

Burn Victim: I remember why I'm suicidal 

Josh's Hoe: because of the pressures of everyday life gaining on you and your running from them only makes day to day life and focuses harder and you keep trying to pull away from it all but it always seems to catch up to you

Burn Victim: I was more so thinking that Mikeys a little bitch but that too

Josh's Hoe: gotcha

Josh: wait I thought Tyler was at your house Bden?

Burn Victim: he is

Josh: then why tf(rick) are you texting

Josh's Hoe: yes

Josh: :(

Daddy Long Legs: Okay Google, how to I stop my boyfriend from doing satanic rituals?

Daddy Long Legs: SHIT NOT TEXT TO SPEECH

Daddy Long Legs:..Hey guys.

Gerard: WE CAN HELP YOU DALLON

Moikey: Gee he wants to stop the ritual not start one (lol)

Gerard: nevermind then

Burn Victim: MEET AT MY HOUSE FOR THE BEST SATANIC RITUAL YOU FUCKS WILL EVER EXPERIENCE IN YOUR LIFE

PETER: no

Burn Victim: I've got waterproof eyeliner

PETER: hail Satan motherfuckers  
-  
Burn Victim: alright now that the gangs here leTS GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD BB

Joe: suicide is near

PETER: are this fukin battery powered candles Urie

Burn Victim: NOT EVERYONE CAN AFFORD NICE SCENTED CANDLES OKAY PETE, JESUS

PETER: I'm sorry man, I didn't mean to upset you

Josh's Hoe: wait aren't battery powered candles more expensive

Burn Victim: anyways

Frank: is that a fucking toaster in the middle of our satanic circle

Andy: And might I add that the circle is made out of silly string 

Burn Victim: what did the poor ever do to you andy 

Andy: they recommended a haircut once

Burn Victim: let us start the chanting

Burn Victim: NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP, NEVER GONNA LET YOU-

Burn Victim: wait wrong sticky note sorry

Burn Victim: Komm saugen meine Arsch Dämonenhündin

Joe: wow I didn't know you could speak French 

PETER: wait is that toaster moving 

Patty Cakes: what the tabernacle orgy

Josh: HOLY FUCK TYLER ARE YOU OKAY

Ryan: I was writing in my LiveJournal what happened

Frank: the toaster fucking rammed into Tyler's face and it went all blue and red and like W O O S H and Tyler ate the whole toaster in one bite like damn no gag reflex my man Josh is one lucky d000d

Ryan: yeah man I hate it when that happens (Brendon is this normal wtf)

Daddy Long Legs: this is fine 

Josh: Tyler is twitching everywhere guys we need to call fricking 911

Burn Victim: what do you mean? Tyler looks fine to me

Daddy Long Legs: His head is literally spinning around in circles. The fact that his neck isn't broken is against all laws of nature.

Burn Victim: yeah but now he's got c00l eyes

Burn Victim: they black

Frank: tru 

Gerard: yeah Brendon is right 

Josh: wha- NO

Josh's Hoe: jejwbeuonfkel

Josh: HE IS LITERALLY SLAMMING HIS STILL SPINNING HEAD AGAINST HIS PHONE

Burn Victim: ah fuck our demon is retarded

Gerard: MIKEY CAN WE KEEP HIM PLS I'LL TAKE GOOD CARE OF HIM

Moikey: only if you remember to feed and water him

Josh: the hell? If anything Tyler is staying at my house until the demon leaves

Gerard: wtf you can't just treat him like an animal Josh he has his own free will

Josh: W H A T

Burn Victim: I'm going to buy some beer I'll brb

Andy: I have to pee 

Burn Victim: just piss on the floor

Andy: k

PETER: AW YEAH PI-

Burn Victim: you can't piss on my floor Pete it'll stain brown you gross ass motherfucker 

PETER: Jesus wouldn't have done me this way

PETER: I could write a song about this

Gerard: or you could not do that

PETER: V tru

Ryan: I got Andy's piss on my leg and I don't know how to feel

Patty Cakes: Disgusted?

Ryan: Yeah, but I was kind of cold and it was warm so

Patty Cakes: definitely disgusted

Burn Victim: guys the lady at the liquor store won't sell me anything

PETER: is it because you're black

Burn Victim: no it's because I told her I was 14

Daddy Long Legs: and she just believed you?

Burn Victim: well it took some convincing but after she saw my dick she just assumed it belonged to a 14 year old

Daddy Long Legs: I'm going to assume that was a joke

Burn Victim: k

PETER: wait why did you want her to think you were 14

Burn Victim: idk

Patty Cakes: He got you there Pete.

PETER: why are you like this

Josh: are we seriously not going to do anything about the demon trapped inside of Tyler

Burn Victim: what demon

Gerard: stop kink shaming J O S H

Josh: that's not

Burn Victim: yeah what the hell Josh this is a safe space

Gerard Way changed user Josh Dun to Kink Shamer Dun

Kink Shamer Dun: I just 

Kink Shamer Dun: yknow what, whatever

Josh's Hoe: sjwiusuwjwjw

Patty Cakes: He's slamming his head into the phone again

Burn Victim: OH SO NOW YOU'RE KINK SHAMING TYLER TOO PATRICK

Patty Cakes: I'm so sorry Tyler I didn't realize that's what you were doing 

Kink Shamer Dun: Patrick that's not

Burn Victim: SHUT YOUR MOUTH KINK SHAMER

Gerard: YEAH YOU GET HIM BRENDON

Daddy Long Legs: Goddamn It, Andy pissed on me.

Andy: I CAN'T CONTROL IT OKAY

Ryan: Andy, You're A Star.

Frank: is that a fucking The Killers reference you piece of garbage

Ryan: I just came out trying to have a good time and I feel so attacked right now

Burn Victim: anyways

Burn Victim: Does anyone know a brand of cleaner that can remove the smell of a rotted body from a basement without opening the door (it's still jammed)

Burn Victim: for science purposes

Gerard: Glade air freshener is pretty good

Burn Victim: thanks Pete 

Gerard: but I'm not 

Moikey: stfu Pete 

Gerard: :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry


	6. Seventeen And Suicidal As Spiders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brendon - Burn Victim
> 
> Dallon - Daddy Long Legs
> 
> Pete - PETER
> 
> Patrick - PattyCakes
> 
> Tyler - Josh's Hoe
> 
> Mikey - Moikey
> 
> Josh - Kink Shamer Dun  
> -  
> Private Chat Names
> 
> Brendon - Josh Dun's Massive Drum Stick
> 
> Ryan - Well I'm afraid that I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Camille is a temporary character (She's a real person and she's a fucking hero)

Ryan: is it possible to be sexually attracted to ones self

Burn Victim: yes

Ryan: welp, that settles that

PETER: hey BRENDON 

Burn Victim: what

PETER: hey watch this video https://youtu.be/sDNxkixcHDo

Burn Victim: does it have a naked lady in it

PETER: yes

Burn Victim: it's not working?

Daddy Long Legs: You fucking clicked on it?

Burn Victim: well yeah

Daddy Long Legs: Fair enough.

PETER: wait brendon send me a screenshot of your youtube app

Burn Victim: k

Burn Victim has sent an image to Forehead Cult  
-it shows the youtube app with the words"Kids" under it-

PETER: ARE YOU FUCKING S H I T T I N G ME

Burn Victim: wut

PETER: YOU'RE USING YOUTUBE KIDS MOTHERFUCKER

Burn Victim: well I'm still a kid

PETER: BRENDON YOU'RE FUCKING 17

Burn Victim: yeah you have to be at least 18 for big boy tubes

PETER: suicide is near

Pete Wentz has left Forehead Cult

Burn Victim: he'll come back

Burn Victim: they always come back

Daddy Long Legs: Hey Bren?

Burn Victim: yeah

Daddy Long Legs: Oh wait wrong chat.

Burn Victim: just say it here

Daddy Long Legs: no it's a secret 

Burn Victim: just whisper it

Daddy Long Legs: BOI HOW

Burn Victim: put a / in front of it

Daddy Long Legs:/can you see this

Burn Victim:/yeah it worked

Daddy Long Legs:/alright so I was going to Ryan's right

Burn Victim:/ ahhh

Moikey: guys I can see it, lol

Burn Victim: no you cant

Moikey: ok, lol

Daddy Long Legs: DAMN IT BRENDON

Burn Victim: sorry I guess that only works in minecraft

Dallon Weekes added user Pete Wentz

Andy: #PeteComeHome

Andy: oh nvm lol

Joe: aw mazel tov

Burn Victim: F U C K I N G EXPOSED 

Burn Victim: YOU JEWLATIINWNKE

Joe: I remember why I muted this chat

Burn Victim: guys I'm about to shit my pants

PETER: go to the bathroom

Burn Victim: there's a spider in there

PETER: so?

Burn Victim: FUCK THAT I'D RATHER SHIT MYSELF

Daddy Long Legs: Please don't.

Bob: I'm back from the bee war

Bob: Youtube kids Brendon, really?

PETER: Jesus Christ Bob I'm going to kick you to Pluto the only place cold enough to sustain your heart

Daddy Long Legs: Not cool Bob.

Joe: yeah bob wtf is wrong with you

Bob: OH SO WHEN I SAY ANYTHING IT'S WRONG BUT IF ANYONE ELSE SAID THAT EVERYONE ELSE WOULD AGREE

Moikey: yeah, lol

Bob: Me, You, an elevator in 20 minutes

Moikey: l e t s g o s w e a t y, lol

Gerard: one time Mikey and I were at a park and we went to this tree and icecrema man and we actually missed doctor doctor soccer practice 

Burn Victim: what's the point to this story

Gerard: THERE'S NO POINT BC WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE SOMEDAY NO MATTER WHAT

Moikey: you have such a way with words babe, lol

Burn Victim: I JUST HIT AN ASTERIOD WITH MY FOREHEAD

Burn Victim: I SINGLE HANDEDLY SAVED THE WORLD

Moikey: that's fucking amazing

PETER: moiks are you high right now?

Moikey: well my rooms pretty tall but I wouldn't say high

Daddy Long Legs: Brendon a rock hit you, not an asteroid

Burn Victim: dallon rock means asteroid in spanish didn't you ever go to class?

Daddy Long Legs: Brendon you took French class 

Burn Victim: what's the difference 

Patty Cakes: he got you there Dallon

Daddy Long Legs: Suicide is near it's not a joke anymore please help.

Burn Victim: lol good one Dallon

Daddy Long Legs: :(

Ryan: I need someone to rate my outfit

Burn Victim: I WILL

Ryan: I don't trust your opinion

Burn Victim: why not

Ryan: Because we have the same clothing style

Burn Victim: very true 

Burn Victim: here I'll get my side hoe

Daddy Long Legs: what

Brendon Urie added user Camille

Burn Victim: hey Camille can you judge Ryan's outfit 

Camille: Sure hun

Ryan Ross sent an image  
*he's wearing a black outfit matched with a tan scarf and matching cap, Brendon waving in the background*

Camille: I rate them as queer

Burn Victim: no but like 1-10

Camille: queer

Ryan: no but does it look good

Patty Cakes: also Ryan just had a relationship with a woman a few weeks ago 

Camille: closeted then

Burn Victim: no but how does it look from 1-10

Camille: it looks queer

Burn Victim: well thank you for your input Camille 

Camille: Anytime honey! Now you come give me a hug next time you see me. <3

Burn Victim: I will

User Camille left Forehead Cult

Burn Victim: my hero

Ryan: has anyone seen Jon?

Joe: I have not Rob

Burn Victim: he's probably off saving the fucking world

Ryan: why isn't he in this chat anyways

Burn Victim: RYAN, WE ARE TALKING ABOUT THE JON WALKER, HE'S PROBABLY OFF WITH SPENCER RIGHT NOW FUCKING SAVING THE LIVES OF INNOCENT NEWBORN ORPHANS WHILE DONATING TO CHARITES AND SHIT

Daddy Long Legs: Actually I just saw him at Wal-Mart.

Burn Victim: He was probably saving a child from being kidnapped there.

Joe: whos Jon 

Brendon Urie has removed user Joe Troham from Forehead Cult

Burn Victim: be gone you Satanist fuck

Daddy Long Legs: Brendon you're the Satanist

Burn Victim: v true my man dude babe hun 

Daddy Long Legs: I'm leaving you for Ryan if you ever say that again.

Ryan: FUCK YEAH

Burn Victim: bb you cant 4git about this d i c c

Daddy Long Legs: wait brendon you're a guy

Joe: wait brendon has a dick

PETER: holy shit Brendon's a dude

Burn Victim: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DIDN'T KNOW I WAS A FUCKING GUY

Burn Victim: DALLON YOU'VE SEEN MY DICK

Daddy Long Legs: I thought you were catfishing me

Burn Victim: how can I catfish you irl?

Burn Victim: Ryan can back me up here

Ryan: he has a peni 

Daddy Long Legs: Ryan doesn't know what a dick looks like

Ryan: DALLON I TAKE SHOWERS I'VE SEEN MY DICK BEFORE

Andy: WAIT RYAN'S A GUY

Frank: HOLY SHIT MYSELF 

Gerard: so he's not a lesbian 

Moikey: Gerard he's gay

Burn Victim: that's not what my mom said last night

Burn Victim: wait 

PETER: I wanna be a male stripper

Burn Victim: you have to have a good dick first

PETER: but you said-

Burn Victim: I lied

Frank: It's 5 AM we have fucking school tomorrow why are you all talking about dicks 

Joe: Frank Brendon has a vagina don't be sexist

Burn Victim: Ryan where's the bleach

Ryan: I'll go get it


	7. Bee Grow Boi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brendon - Burn Victim
> 
> Dallon - Daddy Long Legs
> 
> Pete - PETER
> 
> Patrick - PattyCakes
> 
> Tyler - Josh's Hoe
> 
> Mikey - Moikey
> 
> Josh - Kink Shamer Dun  
> -  
> Private Chat Names
> 
> Brendon - Josh Dun's Massive Drum Stick
> 
> Ryan - Well I'm afraid that I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter uses phrases such as "Negro" and "N*gger" for comedic effect, but if this offends you in any way feel free to skip to the ending notes. (I'll be putting a short summary for any important events, thank you)

Burn Victim: guys

PETER: ye

Burn Victim: ive rlly been working hard on my poetry and I think im going to get that guuud D soon

Burn Victim: and im not talking about a grade @Dallon ;)

Daddy Long Legs: Can I trade boyfriends

Moikey: aw yeah this is my chance, lol

Daddy Long Legs: Moikey aren't you like 16

Moikey: not in the jeans big boy, lol

Gerard: this is why we can't go anywhere

Ryan: Dallon hmu

Burn Victim: Dallon i'll block your minecraft account

Daddy Long Legs: I literally only mine for you, I fucking hate minecraft.

Burn Victim: youre just playing hard to get

Ryan: oh and thanks for the dinner you guys

PETER: huh

Daddy Long Legs: Bren, Ryan and I had dinner the other day. It was nice

Joe: does that mean rob gets the ass 2

Burn Victim: yes

PETER: Holy shit thats the first 3some relationship since me mikey and gerard

Gerard: Pete you borrowing our clothes because you went streaking isn't a relationship

PETER: thats what they all say

Burn Victim: GUYS MY NEGRO

Patrick: what the snack pack Brendon

Ryan: I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THIS "NIGGER KINK"

Daddy Long Legs: What the hell do you mean "ni- kink"

Ryan: shut up, daddy

Burn Victim: NO GUYS MY NEGRO

Ryan:I have black friends Dallon, I have privileges

Daddy Long Legs: oh dear lord- BRENDON

Burn Victim: GUYS STOP JOKING AROUND IM SCARED

Daddy Long Legs: Brendon what are you talking about?

Ryan: do you guys have a fighting kink too, jesus how do I keep up with this

Burn Victim: It got bigger

Ryan: What did, if you say your dick I won't believe you.

Burn Victim: no my ne did

Burn Victim: it grow

Daddy Long Legs: oh my fucking 

Ryan: IT'S KNEE

Burn Victim: well dur

Ryan: Dallon how did you ever survive him on your own

Burn Victim: my dick isnt that big

Patty Cakes: what does nigger mean

Daddy Long Legs: oh my God 

Gerard: shut up, nigga

Gerard: it means bro, i think

Daddy Long Legs: NO IT DOESN'T

Burn Victim: yeah shut up nigga

Daddy Long Legs: Alright, everyone come over to my house I have a book on the civil war i'm reading to all of you.

Burn Victim: does it have fairies in it

Daddy Long Legs: no

Ryan: but you can put them in it right

Daddy Long Legs: It's non-fiction

Burn Victim: that means yes he can i think

Ryan: k

Daddy Long Legs: English Major Ryan Fucking Ross

-

Gerard: Oh Jesus, tha- that was, I'm so sorry.

Daddy Long Legs: It's alright, it's better you said it in front of the chat instead of somewhere... less accepting of that language.

Patty Cakes: shut up nigga 

Patty Cakes: GERARD STOLE MY PHONE OH MY GOD GUYS I'M SO SORRY

Daddy Long Legs: Gerard is sitting right next to me

Patty Cakes: e X P O S E D

Patrick Stump has left Forehead Cult

Pete Wentz added Patrick Stump to Forehead Cult

Patty Cakes: brb

Burn Victim: which one of you stupid fuckers named it the Forehead Cult anyways

Ryan: probably Bob

Burn Victim: yeah, that fuckhead

Bob: I am right here

PETER: shut up bee boi

Bob: I can't tell if he's talking to me or Brendon

Burn Victim: why would he be talking to me

Bob: because yknow, your nickname? Beebo?

Burn Victim: yes

Bob: no I mean

Moikey: shut up Bob

Bob: NBA wouldn't have done me this way

PETER: wait mikeys 16

Moikey: Pete did you never wonder why I wasn't in any of your classes or at lunch (lol)

PETER: playing reeeeaaally hard to get?

Frank: Hey guys! I wanted to say some words to everyone so what better place to than our favorite cult. You guys have been such an amazing impact on my life and I don't know what i'd do with out you

Burn Victim: stfu shortie boi

Bob: Hey babe, I think someone just rode your scooter out the garage

Ryan: DO A KICKFLIP BRENDON

Ryan: Brendon just fell and now he's crying brb

Frank: Karma

Daddy Long Legs: The hell would you say that for Frank?

Frank: Well its obviously Brendon who took my scooter, right?

Andy: skreet skreet 

Joe: SCOOT FASTER ANDY BOBS CHASING US

Frank: Andy just crashed into the pond

Daddy Long Legs: is he alright

Frank: I think he's drowning 

Josh's Hoe: anyways

Ryan: Brendon doesn't know how to fucking whip

Daddy Long Legs: thank god

Ryan: So I'm teaching him

Daddy Long Legs: Gods Dead

Ryan: yeah, you're getting it Bden!

Ryan: OHFNUFC}

Josh's Hoe: what happened

Ryan: Brendon just broke his fucking ankle

Burn Victim: yeah but I yeeted it real good, huh

Ryan: sure babe

Burn Victim: aw yeah boo- fuck my negro hurts

Daddy Long Legs: is it really all worth it in the end

Burn Victim: the end of Mario? Well it's pretty cool to feel accomplished when you finish it, even if it's hard sometimes

Daddy Long Legs: Thanks Brendon, in a weird way that really helps.

Burn Victim: but fuck those koopa fuckers ill shove their shell up their fat asses

Daddy Long Legs: There's my boy

Joe: don't assume genders

Daddy Long Legs: There's my thingy

Joe: thnks

PETER: Thnks?

Joe: oops missed the a

PETER: no I think I like that

Andy: don't like it, don't even think about it

PETER: I SHOULD WRITE A SONG ABOUT THAT

Andy: and he did it

Burn Victim: Petes name is fucking retarded

PETER: you're one to talk "boyd"

Burn Victim: Peats** I was trying to say Peats** like the vegetation that im writing my paper on 

Ryan: why is Brendon crying

PETER: oh god Brendon im really sorry I didn't mean it like that, Boyd is perfectly normal

Burn Victim: you think so?

PETER: yeah, I really do

Burn Victim: hah, pussy ass Kingston

PETER: why do I even try

Joe: Brendon has his moments

PETER: really?

Joe: no

Burn Victim: haha good meme Joe

Joe: :/

Josh's Hoe: nigger

Kink Shamer Dun has left Forehead Cult

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to our friend Lydia, you know who you are! Sorry it took so long to come out.
> 
> (If you skipped this chapter Ryan joined Brendon and Dallon's relationship, that is all that was added to the main story line)


	8. Gumble My Pencil Dick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brendon - Burn Victim
> 
> Dallon - Daddy Long Legs
> 
> Pete - PETER
> 
> Patrick - PattyCakes
> 
> Tyler - Josh's Hoe
> 
> Mikey - Moikey
> 
> Josh - Kink Shamer Dun  
> -  
> Private Chat Names
> 
> Brendon - Josh Dun's Massive Drum Stick
> 
> Ryan - Well I'm afraid that I

Burn Victim: yo tentacle porn is where it's at

Josh's Hoe: Brendon, anime scares you

Burn Victim: no it's just the eyes

Josh's Hoe: how do you know you like tentacle porn if you can't WATCH it

Burn Victim: I don't have to look at them big ol eyes to see that sweet sweet tentacle penetration

Peter Wentz sent an image to Forehead Cult (it's an anime girl cropped to only be her eyes)

Ryan: why is brendon crying 

Daddy Long Legs: Did he see a vagina again?

Burn Victim: guys im going to the bathroom

PETER: I can see the shit in your pants

Burn Victim: ya I think I started my period

Ryan: no brendon your period means you smell funny 

Burn Victim: but doesn't shitting your pants do that

Daddy Long Legs: I can drive home and get you some pants Brendon.

Burn Victim: Can you get me Ryan's undies, they make me feel like a big boy

Daddy Long Legs: ....course

Ryan: okay I know for a fact brendon forgets to wipe so I don't know whether to feel honoured or upset at this

Moikey: no he's talking about ur monster dick

Ryan: is two feet really that long

Gerard: big ole two footer

Moikey: no he's being serious

Gerard: how would you know

Moikey: Ryan leaves his door unlocked

Ryan: I used to live on a bench I didn't have a door

Moikey: The door to that sweet dick

Ryan: I feel so violated 

Gerard: GOD I THINK I HAVE RYAN'S STDS NOW

Ryan: I don't have stds 

Gerard: then why the fuck is my dick blue

Kink Shamer Dun: dude same

PETER: all we have to do is figure out who's slept with everyone

Moikey: ...

Ryan: ...

Josh's Hoe: ...

PETER: anyways 

Burn Victim: Dallon is my dick supposed to be blue

Burn Victim: why aren't I like everyone else

Daddy Long Legs: because you don't know how to have sex

Burn Victim: that's not what my mom said last night 

Burn Victim: she said I was a fuck up and I think that means I fuck up good

Gerard: my mommy- 

Burn Victim: THERE WAS JUST A BUG ON MY FINGER

PETER: so?

Burn Victim: the legs remind me of Ryan 

Ryan: why????

Daddy Long Legs: God, this is gross but I really have to pee and I can't get out of class

Ryan: why did brendon just pop the biggest boner 

Burn Victim: no it didn't pop it's still there

PETER: do you not know about Brendon's piss kink

Daddy Long Legs: holy shit Christmas makes so much more sense now

Ryan: wait

Ryan: so you weren't dying of thirst when you drank my piss

Daddy Long Legs: Why would he be dying of thirst?

Ryan: it was hot

PETER: thanks Ryan 

Ryan: no

PETER: Hey brendon I have to pee

Burn Victim: my boner is unpopped 

Moikey: ew why do you look like that (lol)

Gerard: oh that's just my mask moiks

Moikey: I was talking to pete 

PETER: man everybody's talking to me today

Patty Cakes: shut up nigger

Burn Victim: DAL AND RY WE SHOULD GET MARRIED

Moikey: I better marry someone as hot as dallon or I'm suing

Gerard: what about me?

Ryan: Mikey just sighed 

PETER: what class are you guys in

Ryan: well dallon mikey and I are all in Mr. Sommersets class but Brendon's under Dallons desk

Burn Victim: aw yeah I found a pencil 

Gerard: in Dallons dick

Burn Victim: no is that where he keeps them

Gerard: I

Burn Victim: LET ME TRY

Andy: Hey guys iM late for class but I'm about to walk in

Andy: .....

Joe: why did Andy just walk out of your classroom

Joe: hello?

Joe: I'm coming one second

Joe: why is there a pencil in Brendon's dick

Moikey: wait that's his dick

Burn Victim: yeah it's a pretty big two incher huh?

PETER: I wish mine was that long

Daddy Long Legs: is the library open

Frank: nerd

Andy: BRENDON STOP BLOWING DALLON IN THE LIBRARY 

Burn Victim: dallon isn't bumble gumble tf 

Joe: how is Ryan blowing him too

Daddy Long Legs: I have two dicks??? Like everyone?

Patrick: that's not normal

Moikey: wait it's not

Burn Victim: I have a singular pee pee

Frank: is the librarian just cool with this

Ryan: as long as you let him watch

Bob: Saporta is the new librarian Frankie 

Frank: okay that makes sense

Bob: brendon your underwear is drooping out of your pant leg

Burn Victim: I CAN DREAM BOB

Bob: are you fat shaming me

Burn Victim: yes

Bob: buttered corn is good okay

Gerard: ugh, glad I'm never getting fat

Patty Cakes: same


End file.
